


this is how an angel cries

by cosmonaught



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Unrequited Castiel/Dean Winchester, offscreen sam/dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-19
Updated: 2013-07-19
Packaged: 2017-12-20 16:30:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/889420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmonaught/pseuds/cosmonaught
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He can't drown, but some days Cas wants to dive in and never come up for air again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this is how an angel cries

**Author's Note:**

> this isn't the first thing i've ever written, but it's the first thing i've ever shown to the world. not that it'll reach that many people, but still.  
> many, many heartfelt thanks to [fairywearsbootz](http://fairywearsbootz.livejournal.com) (lj) for pushing me to post.  
> original postdate: 8.28.12

Sometimes, Castiel dreams.  
  
When he does, he dreams of red (his vessel always did have a taste for meat) and green—an overwhelming color that surrounds him and envelops him and doesn't let go until he's questioned everything he's ever done and every order he's ever given or received or followed.  
  
He can't drown, but some days Cas wants to dive in and never come up for air again.

He suspects it's residual; left over from when he was more human than he'd ever been in his entire existence; but he doesn't want the dreams to go away—doesn't want them to stop. Cas expects he'll keep dreaming of green until the day the Lord smites him, and he's okay with that. 

It’s the best he can hope for.

It’s a curious thing, this ‘hope’. He’s never had any trouble motivating himself before, but Cas doesn’t quite understand how it fills him with this new and all-consuming need to continue onwards. He doesn’t quite understand why, either.  
  
Because Dean doesn't love him.  
  
Dean loves Sam.  
  
And Cas understands that. Because whatever Cas has done pales in comparison to Sam, who fell through the earth and fought off Lucifer and crawled out of Hell and lost his soul and his sanity in order to get back to Dean.   
  
So Cas decides he's going to become powerful.

He’s going to become God.

And he's going to make a better world for Sam and Dean.

It’s the least he can do.


End file.
